Reahani

Life in the New Lane... (but not without passing the old lane)

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 05:30:30 GMT

I'm sitting here with a glass of rum and coke, enjoying the night as midnight approaches. I've been very creatively busy these past several days; I created a contest piece over on DA for a Black Magic Contest that I feel turned out really well. I have also embarked on a new "Post Card" series that I started a few years back, but never went anywhere.

It was an idea I truly liked, but after the original advent, I stalled; I recall working a fan-piece for an individual, who I truly adored and made a piece for them. I presented it to them and they didn't seem impressed either way... just said they didn't want me to sell it.... :- /..... Omfg. I had absolutely NO intention of selling it. Fuck, I have not sold anything I've made thus far, much less anything I created including photography of theirs! It was "fan work," a "fan piece," a fucking dedication in honoring their heritage through my art, because frankly it really meant that damn much to me, considering my own love (since childhood) of eastern cultures. I was raised from the age of 11 to adulthood by my biological mother and Malaysian step-father, so I have a bit of Asian tradition and ways ingrained in my character as a person... something that will never change. It's just simply who I am. So honor is not something I misunderstand... it's a part of who I am as a person because I was raised that way.

So, for them to disregard my very well-done work as nothing and even remotely consider I would dishonor them in any way, hurt me very deeply. I'm sorry to say it still does. Nothing I ever made for them was good enough, though it was hella better than many of other fans' works they praised (my work still is a lot better than some of the fan work they get). To me it was complete painful dishonor and I still do hold a serious grudge because of it. For someone who prides their heritage to take an honorable gift only to disregard it is a competely dishonorable insult and the pain is still felt in my soul.

However, I am moving forward, as I always do. Courage, strength, endurance, and undying will are what I am known for. So this is why my "post card" series project took awhile to reignite. I have buffed the more painful edges off my inner piece of painful memory and can slip the part that hurts away smooth and quickly when I need to; therefore, I can continue to work without interruption and continue my eagerness to create the art I love and want to.

So, I've created two very lovely postcards thus far and do not plan to use anyone for fanwork, period.... unless they are a very close friend. Otherwise, I am just using classic, vintage, or beautiful model stock. Some ppl just have no appreciation of honor, much less deserving of recognition... atleast by my creative standards, because I've raised them considerably since those days. I simply just needed to get this pain out by discussing it. I do feel a bit better now. If they happen to read this entry, whatever. This is my journal and I am entitled to discuss things when I want to. I have the right to release pain... lest I kill someone. >:-(

Anyway, I guess that's all for now. I'm really hungry. I made some Malaysian curry rice with baked salmon and I am going to go dig in...

Laters.
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Quote of the Day: "When a character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." (--Japanese proverb)
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No Photo of the Day.

Loving Life Now

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:47:46 GMT

It's been awhile since I last updated this thing, but it's mainly because I moved into my new home and just got settled. My desk is finally up in my room, with my computer set-up, so I'll be more apt to be online regularly now.

Things feel different for me and I know I have changed a lot and seem to be going through another transition. One thing is I am just not as interested in the same things I once was... i.e. drinking and partying a lot. Now that I have moved, I do that a lot less of that and I am interested in doing other things. Also, I've drifted away from some ppl I was once close to... i.e. my best friend Delia. Well, I hardly talk to her anymore, but you know her fingers aren't broken and she can call me too. Whatever. I'm not worried about it, I am not hurt, and I have no hard feelings. She's obviously not moving to Georgia, much less anywhere outside St. Louis. She's wrapped-up with working and partying all the time. I've done all that and I feel the change inside of me to do other more productive and creative things now. I am feeling older and I am growing and changing into a new way of life. She's stuck in a rut and I cannot help her anymore. She and I have run the gamut of our friendship and I feel it's time to move on, while I wish her all the best in life.

I'm going to be leaving MySpace and Facebook. They really serve no purpose in life for me anymore. I am truly not that social anymore and I am wrapped-up with activities in my own world. Frankly, I do not like ppl much anymore either... the drama, the bullshit, the boring mundaneness of others' lives; it drains me, bores me and I'm cutting it out of my life. I will always have my LJ, Twitter, and DA accounts though, so if you read this and wanna check-up on me, you can find me there, where I will notify others of any new projects I may endeavour (and there will be some); Iwill also be keeping my DreamJournal account as well. I plan to update it with lots of old, but cool & strange dreams I've collected over the years.

I'll be reading a lot, studying (and involving myself in) more advanced Craft, gardening, graphic designing, and doing other creative ventures. I will keep a few old friends, but I am looking forward to making new ones now... ppl who reflect who I am now in the universe, not who I used to be and it will happen in time... it always does.

So anyway, I'm finally moved into my new home and it's a peaceful, quiet sanctuary for me. I so love it! The kitchen is complete and all the furniture I took with me is in the house now, so I'll be repainting a few items, while just cleaning off others. I had my rag this week, so I didn't get as much done as I originally wanted to, but I managed to get my desk cleaned-up and my computer stuff squared-away on it. There is just so much space in this house compared to the cardboard box-like house I lived in for 8 long years. I am thankful, at ease and peace now. I've done my time and I've earned it!

Onto a new life with a brighter future...
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Quote of the Day: "It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides." (--George Sand;1804-1876)
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Photo of the Day:

My current state of being...

Transitional BS

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:47:17 GMT

Alrighty then... I finally moved out Sunday. Doug rented a U-Haul and his nefew Corbin and Corbin's g/f Kristi came out to help me move. Whew! I'm really glad Doug helped-out cuz I didn't know what I was gonna do otherwise. It was a very long, very hot day, on which I "started," which made it really horrible to bear, but I did the best I could, considering the circumstances.

I would have left all the stuff I was not taking inside the house, but in order to get my moving check, D.O.T. said everything had to be out. So we put all the unwanted stuff by the road... lots of bagged trash and old, dilapitated furniture. Now, normally the community office maintenance takes care of it once ppl do that, but I guess because there was so much of it, the "new" management (I will explain) did not want to deal with it. So, the new guy filed a complaint with D.O.T., because they own the home now and D.O.T. asked me to see what I could do to have it removed, which I can't because I do not have a truck, do not know anyone with a truck, nor have any funds to get a truck until this coming Monday. I had dropped by D.O.T. this morning to drop off the keys and Van Johnson and I discussed all of it. I told him I had gone by the house when I went over to drop off the mailbox key (D.O.T. gets the house keys and Lamplighter gets the post key), and told him they were already moving stuff off the property, but noted that they might charge me a fee for moving it and that they could take it out of the 2 grand D.O.T. is supposed to pay me for moving, which they are not supposed to do because it was the ARC management maintenance that was moving it, not a local contractor. If I catch shit from it, I will have to see this new "flaming pansie property manager" in court, because this is bullshit.

See, every time I turn around, they have new management and it's really pathetic. As soon as that happens, disregarding policy, rules change overnight, depending on what cramps the the management's style. I've never seen such bullshit in my life with that community. It's also because of the new management, that I couldn't have that lady across the street (the one with the juvie kids) thrown out, because he has no clue what's been going on for as long as I've lived there and what a menace her children are to other ppl and their property. I'm thankful I don't have to worry about it anymore. Ugh! I hope that bitch and her maggot children rot in hell for the crap they've pulled and this new manager, who I swear is a flaming pansie, just flaunts around and dictactes the neighborhood and its ongoings like a high-end fashion designer at the Nikkon Fashion Week in New York readying for a new runway season collection. O.o

WTF is the main ARC headquarters thinking having management like that run such a rough community? The last time I turned in the bitch neighbor for her youngest child harassing me, he told me to just call the police... in other words, he didn't want to deal with it... just like now: I have moving trash that needs moved and frankly it's THEIR responsibility when I place it by the road, but no, Mr. Pansy-Pants does not wanna deal with it and I'm getting bitched-out about it. Ugh! That whole community is going to hell in a handbasket and I am glad I am no longer living there to deal with all the bullshit anymore!

So I wrote a "nice" letter to the office management, copied it, along with all the other property info he needs when a resident leaves and taped the "post key" to one of the sheets. I let him know that if he has anymore questions, concerns, or demands, he can speak to my lawyer and I left Doug's card. Because I have lost my Cell phone charger and have no idea where it is, so my phone is dead and I will not have another phone until they come out Friday to hook-up my Comcast Package, which includes digital landline phone service. Until then, that fucker can deal with it.

So, since I have no phone right now, I am over at Doug's while he's at work and I am taking care of business over here, which will include making several phone calls. Ugh.

That's the update... I will have more sometime this weekend when I have my Cable Internet and desk set up at home. Laters...
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Quote of the Day: "Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd." (--Edith Sitwell; 1887-1964)
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No Photo of the Day.

Moving Weekend

Sat, 30 May 2009 19:37:57 GMT

I need to be outta here by tomorrow, but it does not look like that's gonna happen; I still have so much to do and most of it I am doing by myself because my roomie Joy can only do so much with her limited physical condition. This sucks. Doug has had back problems for a few years now, so he can't really help me either. I'm a little stressed to say the least.

I was up all night packing and cleaning and it will be another long one today, while I load up the Pacifica afterward. I need to get cleaned up here and run up to the store for more Windex, some 409, paper towels, and boxing tape. Ugh.

I have no idea how I am gonna move the furniture without help. :-(

I am also going to be starting my monthly mensus soon, so I am a real crab right now, naturally depressed and moody, with or without my meds. Gawd, I wanna pull teeth, wave a magic wand and fix everything right to make this all easier.

I guess this is going to be my last entry until after I move into my new place. I'll be packing up the computer and monitor to go.

Laters...
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Quote of the Day: "To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet." (--Charles Caleb Colton)
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Photo of the Day:

My new house in Clare Cottage Tramore...

The white car is not mine, it's my agent Alicia's Lexus. My Infinity is parked on the other side, out of the picture.

Pictures of My New House- PART 1

Thu, 14 May 2009 05:19:59 GMT

So, I took pictures of my new house, uploaded, and edited them a few days ago. This is just the interior. Enjoy!

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/Livingroom2-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/Livingroom3-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/Livingroom1-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/FireplaceMantel-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/DiningNook1-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/DiningNook2-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/KitchenBar1-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/KitchenBar2-1.png
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http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/TealRoom1-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/TealRoom2-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/TealRoom3-1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/TealRoom4-1.png
............
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/Master2-Shot1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/Master1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/MasterBath1.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/MasterBath2.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/MasterBath3.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/MasterBath4.png
...........
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/ComfortSettings.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/KitchenPantry.png
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n76/Zieneth/Livingroom1.png
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Part 2 will be up in a few days. :)
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No Quote or Photo of the Day.

Letting Go

Sat, 09 May 2009 12:51:48 GMT

Once upon a time I befriended this one guy. I felt really bad for him because his so-called best friend completely bashed him and since I was dealing with drama from that same person and his cronies, I befriended him, because I felt he needed a friend who understood wtf it was like. We were friends for 2 and a half years. Some days were great, having long intellectual convos and joking about shit that left us laughing for long periods at a time. Other times it was very strained, as he would yabber on and on about his old friendship with his now ex-bestfriend. It really got old and pathetic.

I was there for him when his so-called best friend & trashy gf kicked him out in LV and I was there for him the entire time he was homeless until he got back to San Diego. I even send the guy $700.00 to help his ass get back on his feet, because his mom was in a cinch. Once more, he continued to yabber on and on, hoping his ex-bestfriend would dump the trashy gf and move back to San Diego. Thing is, I couldn't explain to him, mainly because he didn't want to hear it, was that I didn't think the guy would ever leave LV, nor his trashy gf, as long as she was supporting him and paying for his baby-food and diapers (metaphorically speaking); I couldn't explain to him that what he and his ex-bestfriend had as friends (years ago now) was probably gone... things change, ppl change, and you cannot live in the past forever. You have to move on with your life (and grow-up) at some point.

I was asked to stalk and keep an eye on things. I'd tell him things and he'd get really upset and then told me not to tell him anything. I mean, wtf? Why bother watching for his ass?-- go watch your damn self! It got old when it really didn't have any value for me anymore, since I have more or less moved-on from that douche and his now ruined reputation; it's not like it was in the old days 4-5 years ago when things were cool. I am different now and have integrated that aspect he represented for me, into me and have accepted it. And maybe the universe is finishing up the mirror theory in that, since this friend of mine is still so personally tied (~cough~ obsessed) to that man, his existance in my life no longer serves a purpose either.

So as of late, we've argued and argued. He tried to break my spirit by belittling my emotions and knowledge of things all the while knowing I was right (and he could not accept the fact I stood up to him like I did) and that's when I drew the line and told him it was over. I was sick of his bitching and verbal abuse. I realize the man is highly emotionally disturbed and as I am growing and moving on toward a better life, I have no use, need for it, nor deserve it. I was a good friend when it was necessary, but that fucker is on his own now.

There was a period when we did not speak for awhile and then he called me one day out of the blue; he said he missed me. There will be no more calling my ass back for anything anymore. I made it clear to him. It's best we part ways and he move on, because I am done with the diaper-fodder in Vegas, and all reflections of him thus.

Seee-ya! >;-)
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Quote of the Day: "You feel like you're God, but y'know all young Gods must fade." (-- Gary Numan: "Noise Noise")
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No Photo of the Day.

My Adventures in Realty and Finding A New Home

Sat, 09 May 2009 01:13:51 GMT

So, I am finally updating this thing. I've been terribly busy and very stressed out like you would not believe...

My weird flu back in March was horrible. I really thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital, but I stuck it out and got through it in 3 days. Yeah, I heal quickly, never stay sick for long, nor hardly ever get sick in the first place.

After that it was onto some serious house-hunting... for two and a half long weeks.

The first house I bid on, I was too late for, and didn't care because I just wanted to see how the bidding process functioned.

The second one was a sure thing, because I was the only bidder and paying in FULL. But for some weird reason, the guy selling (who I might mention was Black), came back and said the bank rejected my offer and decided to put the home back up for auction downtown (Atlanta), because they felt they could get more money for it. Um, what? O.o I've never heard of such a thing and know it's not par for the course! I spoke with the guy directly on the phone and in spite of what he said, kinda felt he never sent in my offer to beginwith, probably because I was White and he wanted to get more money for it anyway. Reverse discrimination much? Oh yeah ppl, it exists and very much alive here in Atlanta; it's one of the ugly truths to this godforsaken city. Ugh.

So anyway, onto the third one. Now, you'd think 3's a charm. Nope. I had a solid, higher bid on the home and it was given to a family of Latinos. What.The. FUCK! I was feeling really down and hopeless there and decided, whatever; if I end up in an appartment, what-the-fuck-ever, just as long as I get the fuck out of Lamplighter. Jezzus!!

So at a last ditch effort, bless my poor agent, calls me at 8:30pm to look at a home that went up immediately. We were on our way!She got there first, and found a black man there with a house inspector. She comes in and the guy asked her what she was doing there? She explained to him she was waiting on her client (me) to show the home to. He rudely told her, "well, you're wasting your time, this house is already sold. I bought it for my mother-in-law." She told him that she wouldn't be there if it had been sold. I told her to call the seller immediately, as I was livid. ._.

She did and come to find out the guy had placed a bid, but it was not acceptable, because they needed a mortgage prequalification first, which since it was Friday, wouldn't be taken care of until atleast Tuesday. Not only that, but... and this is the kicker... the guy was alerted immediately by the same Black seller on the 2nd home who, more or less, fucked me over because of my race. Once I learned that, I thought, "that's it bitch, it's ON!" After my agent explained everything to the seller, I really don't think the whole thing settled too well with her. So, I knew I had a real chance at this thing. If that black guy hadn't been so busy with his inspector outside, I probably would've ripped him a new asshole then and there. I did happen to give him a look to kill before he left and I fucking meant it. My eyes probably turned completely black (no scalera) as they often do when I am that pissed, because his eyes opened in uneasiness and they were both gone in less than two minutes. "Good. Go away and don't you dare come fucking back! This is my house," I easily thought.

So off to Harry Norman office we flew after that. Originally, the house was worth $150 grand easily. Since it was a foreclosure, they were trying to sell it for $85 grand, then later dropped it to $64 grand. I placed a full $67 grand bid on it with my $1000.00 earnest money up front. We were in close communication with the seller the entire time and she made sure she got everything and had it all sent off to the Coldwell Bank in CA. immediately before that other guy could touch it. Hell yeah! Now that's what I call cold, straight-away, sharp business... just my style. I don't like to mess around. I just don't have time for it.

Next week I learned the bid was accepted and I needed to begin the process of signing off the adendums, which I did. Since my current home is already sold to Cobb County, I really only have a certain time to remain here from the date of sale with the closing attorneys, so my "closing date" has been the main anxiety right now... when??? I got an e-mail today from my agent and the seller stating I could close with a week or so. YES! So that's that. I'm gonna be hauling ass around here, cleaning and packing. I couldn't be more excited! >.<

Never fuck ppl over and never fuck with karma... ever! You will always get what is coming to you... always! There are no mistakes in the universe... it's just simply magic how it always works out for the best.

To clarify what I am saying is, besides that black guy fucking me over and getting his, when I had to go down to the bank and change over my certified earnest money check from Harry Norman to Coldwell Bank, the lady who helped me asked me about the home I was buying and unenthusiatically congratulated me when I showed her the paperwork. Come to find out that she was the wife of the guy who was looking at that house that evening. She said, "yeah, we were looking at this exact house, but we didn't get it." I told her that I made sure I got it because I put a strong higher bid on it. She looked at me and said, "you can do that?" "Sure thing," I said, "especially if you really want the place." She seemed a little surprised. Then she asked me how much I bid and I told her, which she was a bit surprised by too, and once I realized exactly who she was, added whimsically, "and I don't need a mortgage; I'm paying in cash, FULL."

Now who else bid on that house besides me? As far as I know it was that black guy, because my agent and I have been really tight with the seller. He said it was for his mother-in-law, when in fact he lied about that too- it was for him and his wife and kid. Well, lying doesn't get you anywhere either. That's what you get for walking into a place you think you own and don't! And that's what you get for fucking me over because of your personal racial vendetta's! Especially when it comes to me. I always get what I want and in return ppl always get theirs! HA!

So I've been fighting like hell... dealing (enduring for a very long time now) with living in this dump, that has everything wrong with it- hotwater is out, dishwasher does not work, the roof leaks everywhere, my dryer does not work... everything is wrong with this place and I just need to get the fuck out of here and start living HUMAN again. The Mexicans can have this place... seems they're taking over anyway. And mind you, Lamplighter used to be a very quiet, older folx/Life College Student community... until they kept changing management and decided to rent-out homes and lease to own, which brings in a whole different kind of ppl... the seedy kind who don't give a shit about anything. Now there are break-ins, gang-like individuals, and drugs everywhere. Ugh, I was not raised in neighborhoods like this and I will NOT live in one!

I inherited this house from my mom after she died in 2002. I have reaped some wild oats I needed to grow through (because I never got to when I was younger), I have changed, and metamorphasized. I'm very different these days, along with having grown some serious balls in having to deal with life and ppl. I know who I am now and I know what I wanna do. I've lived here 8 long years (will be exactly on the 21st of this month) and now it's time to move on. I have done my time and I deserve this house!

So! More details on the home in the near future... I will say it was built in 1991, hella nicer than the one I bid on that that black seller fucked me over for, it's in a quiet, nice neighborhood (about 4.5 mi. away fro my current home, so I can remain in Marietta) and I have my privacy. It needs some minor cosmetic work, but nothing I can't handle myself. I love fixing things up. >.<

I guess that's about all for now. My head hurts from typing-up this huge entry. I promise to update more often! I know I have some friends who have been inquiring where the fuck I've been over here... but now you know why. ;-)
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Quote of the Day: "Endurance is one of the most difficult diciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes." (-- Buddha)
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Link of the Day: After much thought, I decided to join Twitter. Here's the link if you have one and wanna add me or just get more recent updates on my thoughts and/or activities- twitter.com/Reahani.

I'm 36yrs. old now...

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:48:05 GMT

Jeez. Where has time flown? Well, it did not turn out to be such a hot birthday, considering I became very ill on it and am still very sick; I have a really bad case of the flu. I generally never get sick like this but every so many years and I was due. The last time I was this ill was about 4 years ago. I will get your adverage cold and sinus flares, but this is the bad stuff that only hits me once in a blue moon.

Ah well. Might as well get it overwith. So I've sleeping a lot, staying put, downing lots of cold/flu stuff, drinking lots of fluids and eating practically nothing but chicken broth, lest puke it up. Yeah, it's that bad. I can't talk because my tonsils are the size of golfballs. That reminds me.... ~mental note: have them removed once moved into new pad and given the opportunity.~ I do not know why I have not had these things removed yet... probably because I almost never ever get this sick.

So anyway, another month, another entry here.

My longtime friend/neighbor's father, Mr. Ellis, was taken to the hospital a few weeks ago, probably never to return; with his Parkinson's and Diabete's, he just cannot get around anymore without help and his son, Louis, who is partially retarded, has the mind of a 10 year old, so can only do so much. They've been slowly moving stuff out and Louis told me they hoped to be out by the end of March. It's too bad we'll never see him again (Joy and I), being his aunt is so racist... yeah, the reverse racist kind. Louis will be living with her after they put Mr. Ellis in a home to be cared for in his bad health, and his aunt wants Louis to have nothing to do with white people at all... friends or otherwise. It's really sick. I mean, Louis was always only a friend anyway, but the sheer idea that that kind of racism exists really moves me to reconsider the state of humanity. It deeply saddens me and I have to think that it's women like her that give other blacks who are not racist, a bad name.

I am going to mke sure Miss Sonja gets a piece of my mind before they leave completely, because I really feel her behavior and thinking is unwarranted, considering Louis is OUR friend and I was the one living by his for 8yrs.! Bitch needs clue. ~shakes head~

Then of course, my other longtime neighbors across the street are moving too. They will be out by the end of this month as well. I think the are leaving because of the road though. I would have finished-up my business this week if I had not gotten sick. I hope I feel well enough to get everything done Monday, because I also need to get my car tag.

It's been raining a lot down here in the south... since the beginning of this year, every three weeks or so we get monsoon-like dumps of rain. It's been really annoying. I guess it's not too bad being sick through all of it, becuase I can just sleep through it.

Well, I wanna write more, but I am suddenly feeling sick to my stomach and I think I need to go lay down... more laters...
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No Quote or Photo of the Day.

The Busies

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:55:14 GMT

This is the first time I think I've skipped a whole month without making an entry. O.o Well, I've been busy and there for awhile, I shut the world off for awhile. It's nice to do that once in awhile, because I get back in touch with myself and those things around me that are more important.

So, I'm still house hunting. I still need to get my new house tags before I can close, but I need to pay back taxes on this house going back 6yrs. Luckily it won't be too awefully expensive. Maybe a grand; I can handle it. Then I can close with Cobb county and get the fuck out of here. Fucking neighbors and their maggot kids are starting with me again and I just will not put up with their shit this year; I called the cops on them the other night. Fuckers.

Bad news. Doug's longtime, childhood bestfriend, Kevin Freeman, passed away a few Sunday's ago on the first. I was really shocked by the news. Apparently he was staying in a hotel not far from the house, because he has outs with his parents from time to time and does so just to get away. Now, he's been a serious alcoholic for some time, but I was later told he was having severe abdominal pains and his doctor thought he might have colon cancer and wanted him to have it checked out with a Colonosticopy, but Kevin never did and suffered the pain until recently.

When they found Kevin in his hotel, he was supposed to have checked out that morning, but the cleaning maids found him and called paramedics, who tried to revive him, but he was gone. They said he died of alcohol poisoning, but what I think is that possibly the cancer had matasisized well into his organs to the point his liver and kidneys could no longer handle his drinking amounts and so when he went out on a binge, he was more susceptible to alcohol poisoning than he would have been if he didn't have cancer. Such as life and all I can say about it, is that it was a real terrible way to die, in a hotel, all alone, miserable, and with the format of having decided to kill yourself in a slow suicide. It's really truly sad. I know Doug will never be the same, since they had known each other since they were small kids of 5 or 6yrs. He seems to be taking it well though.

Not much else going on. I've been having really cool dreams again. I think some dreamwork might be in order. I need to do something to direct this uncomposed energy I've been having lately.
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Quote of the Day: "Faith is like a sacred fire; pass it on from generation to generation without extinguishing it." (-- Konko Daijin)
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Link of the Day: www.candystand.com
I'm known as "Tiddle," and my favorite games are Awesome Blossom, Electric Box, Gem Craft, Grid, and Vector TD. Come join me and let's compete! ^.^

The Holiday Season

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 14:18:50 GMT

So I decided to stay a night over here at the Hilton Doubletree French Quarters. Even though it's in-town, Doug and I often come here for a night or two just to relax and get away from everyone and everything. This place was built in the late 1980's and Hilton bought it sometime in the late 1990's-early 2000's. Last year they completely refurbrished the place and it looks and feels very classy and nice. The excellent service and comfort has not changed and we will always return here from time to time. They know us pretty well, lol.

So, last night, we went out to Red Lobster and had a really delicious meal. Then stopped at Wallgreens for some bath/spa stuff and dessert, before heading back to the room. They have a huge, jacuzzi garden bathtub in every room and it is definitely the highlight of every stay. I took a nice hot and relaxing bath last night, but I will be taking another one after I get off here and before we gotta pack-up and head back home. We're going to have Haveli's Indian Cuisine and go shopping beforehand tough. We're gonna drop by World Market (Cost Plus) because Doug needs to get chair cushions for the kitchen and I need to pick a few post x-mas stuff. Then we're going to Petsmart, which is cool, cuz I need to pick up some catfood, litter, nip, and food for Hermes, my new Beta Fish (pictures to come).

So what did I get for X-mas? Let's see... Doug gave me his expensive/professional Fuji camera- YES!!! He also bought me something I never expected: it was a very gorgeous and beautiful, hand-carved, pure (orange & black) Jade & Sterling Silver (925), cinch/hinge bracelet w/ hematite accented ridges on either side. Omg... it is soooo beautiful! He knows how much I love Jade. He and his mother also picked-up several jewelry kits from Wallyword, which I can take appart and make anything with, because I never use the given templates for anything (my work would not be original otherwise); I am so pleased they are finally recognizing my desire to get my Reahani Designs business going. >.< Also, Doug picked-up the newest Harry Potter installment: "The Beetle & The Bard." I have all the Harry Potter books now except for the very first and last books within the series. I love Harry Potter. ^.^ Joy gave me a beautiful Angel Light Catcher/Ornament, so I have that up now.

I gave a lot more than I received and that makes me feel good; it's been the first Christams in ages I have been able to actually spend my own money and really give to people and causes I deem in good adherance to the community. This is what made this year's holiday so special for me, because the rewards in seeing someone or ppl happy from something you've done for them, from your heart, is absolutely priceless, and I would not live my life any other way than to help ppl and share with them. I do not have much left, but I am not selfish or hoarding with what funds I do have left. It's just the way I am.

In other news, Delia is finally getting a divorce. She and Aaron have been on and off the rocks for some time now and last month she just said "fuck-it," and is filing for a divorce. Delia is not the marrying type and it's definitely been a lesso n learned for her. I know she will never marry again and I do not blame her. I do not babysit either and this is why I have never gotten married. She is so much happier and free now. Her independant spirit and spirit will be her means to be able to take care of herself without anyone's help, much less having to sacrifice everything she has for someone who does not want to be responsible, i.e. Aaron. She's too damn good for him and even though she knew it and everyone told her so, she just had to experience it and learned, as life's experiences do. I wish her all the best and will be helping her any way I can. She has a good job in Phlebotomy and has her own car and now her own appartment. She's come such a long way in the almost 5yrs. I've known her and I know she's going to be just fine!

Currently, she's erased everything from her profile and offered to redo it for her. I got it started the other day, but will resume when I get home today. I feel privilaged she has given me her password again. I will also be sending off her X-mas gifts this coming week. I'm sending her an absolutelly gorgeous bracelet and some money to help her out now that she's on her own. If she was still with Aaron, he would have it spent before she even got it. What a fucking jerk.

Well, it's about 9am and I am gonna go run my bath before I need to get ready and pack-up. More laters today...
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Quote of the Day: "When I'm trusting and being myself... everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously." (Shakti Gawain)
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No Photo of the Day.

House Hunting and Such

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 12:59:28 GMT

So yesterday Doug and I spent the whole day house hunting. There are several good deals out there, but a lot of them I looked at need a lot of work that I am not willing to invest in. However, I did find this one house I am in love with. It's a 3 story, 5br, 2.5 bth for only $56,900. What a f-ing steal! I WANT this house. It has so much room and potential. Not to mention there is bamboo all over the place outside around the property... I have my vision set for a lovely, peaceful, zen-like garden in the back after I have the whole back completely relandscaped, which it really needs badly. I do not mind. I see this so clearly. This is the house for me. Joy would have her downstairs b/r & bth, and I would have my upstairs br & bth. Plus, the other three rooms can be used accordingly: My Office/Den, Craftroom, and Guestroom/Ritual room. Gawd, I have to have this house. It's also really close a very creepy cemetary, which I've known about for years now and have often frequented in the past. Man, I am sooo excited and really wanna get on with this before someone snatches it! I want to see this home within the next few days and get the ball rolling immediately.

Anyhoos, been making lots of jewelry and really need a camera. I finally printed up some business cards. I told Doug I want professional ones for my birthday. That would so rock! I pretty much already have everything else I want for X-mas, not to mention some other things on their way, which involve getting my business going. I am so excited. :-)

Well, all's been quiet around here after I let the f-ing neighbors have it. Ugh, I swear I really dislike them... f-ing low-class losers who will go nowhere in life except breed and waste space. Disgusting. I probably wouldn't be so hateful if i didn't live here anymore. These are just not my kind of ppl around here. I am upper middle class and will settle for no less after I move. I am sick of living like this. Things are gonna change. My mom's been gone for awhile now and it's time for me to move on and learn to fly and do what I need to do to get what I want in life.

My westerly friend and I are finally getting along great. I sent him off his x-mas gift. I know he'll appreciate it. He has some major project he wants to get going and since he wants to make me head-hancho, I really want to be careful in marketing suggestions/engagements considering his reputation with his past "friend." I honestly do not know why he wants to do this other than because he's a bit miffed about his friend's attention-seeking and getting activities. Who knows. I just know I do not want to look like an ass because he's still hung-up on his ex-friend. I just refuse to after all I've been through with those idiots. Hell fucking no! I'll do him a service and do him right, but I will be making very careful suggestions/actions, because my ass and my reputation are on the line too. I plan to be clever and smart about the whole thing, or else I am just going to tell him to get someone else to do it. I'm no idiot.

So anyhoos, other than that, just in the holiday spirit. I'm happy this year for the first time in a long time. I think things are looking up. >.<
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Quote of the Day: "From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity." (--Thomas Moore)

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Photo of the Day:

The house I really want!

Holidays Are So Busy

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:04:03 GMT

Man, I have been sooooo busy. So busy that can see I only posted one entry for November. O.o

Thanksgiving went really well, though it was a pretty lazy day otherwise. Joy cooked dinner and we went over to the Ellis' for Thanksgiving since they don't have much family, so it was really nice. I never went over to Doug's becuase I was tired afterward and went onto sleep when I got home.

I took out 2 grand Friday and went shopping. I bought all my X-mas stuff, stuff for the new place when I move, and more Jewelry supplies. I have spent a total of 1 grand total this year on trying to get my business going. I finally have some business cards printed-up and will keep those with me, since I get complimets and asked for my card all the time. Later, I will have more professional cards done-up at the Printer's. All I will need to do is send them the logo and .PSD file, give them a blueprint of what I want done and get a box of 100 or so. I also need Doug's camer a back to take pictures and whatnot; I really need to work on my jewelry webpage.

I have a lunch engagement with Doug today to discuss a lot of business stuff concerning the house; the GADOT called again yesterday and would like to get the ball rolling asap, so I have them call Doug since he's my main financial butler and business negotiator. I'll see what he has to say about it at lunch. Also, my hotwater heater went out and I have to get that fixed sometime today. Ugh. One thing after another. I want to leave this f-ing place so bad. And it's not just the house and its faulty issues, it's the flipping neighbors too.

We have these young kids who live across the street from us and they love playing rap music and sometimes get out of hand with it being loud. I have asked them repeatedly to keep it down, or atleast turn the damn bass part down. Well, they decided to test my patience the other day and I let them have it and told them that the next time they had it up, I would not ask them to turn it down, but call the cops. It's been very quiet since and I it better f-ing stay that way, because I really do not know how much more I can tolertate. I have 7yrs. residential seniority over them, so they better have some respect or they get hell. I just don't put-up with anyone's shit anymore period!

So anyway, it's going to be another long and busy day. Ugh. Off I go...
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Quote of the Day: "Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself." (--Lois McMaster Bujold)
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No Photo of the Day.

A New Era

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 09:01:35 GMT

We finally have a new President. I am sooooooooooooo thrilled he's a Democrat after the 8 long years of Bush's oppressive reign. We need change so bad and we need someone to clean up this mess we're in. AND, he's Black. Omg, could humanity really being making a bold move in the positive? Why, I think so. When Obama was elected, the whole world celebrated and it really, really touched me. I have no other words to describe how happy, hopeful, and at peace I feel right now. I am once again, proud to be American.

Joy's cat, Harley got really ill the other day from the cat flu going around and we took him to the Emergency vets, because it was a Sunday. He's doing so well now. But, Cannis is really, really sick now and I know it's gotta be really hard on her being 15yrs old. If she does not get better soon, I'll be taking her off to the vets too.

Been working around the house. I think I am going to call the DOT about the house appraisal because everyone else around here seems to have gotten theirs and they are all moving out around me.

Other than that, it's the first time in years I'm actually looking forward to the holidays. I usually hate the holidays, but this year, I know is gonna be a good year. Yayness! >.<

Well, off to make a pot of coffee. I am feelin creative today. I think it's time to pay a visit to DeviantART.

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Quote of the Day: "Nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change" (--Barack Obama)
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No Photo of the Day.

Rainy Day

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 00:04:43 GMT

So my westerly friend and I are speaking again and it's like nothing happened before. We have been through all this before and often do that... have a disagreement, spat, not talk for a week or two and then we kinda miss talking to each other and next thing you know we're chatting like best buddies again. I really like him a lot; he's a man's man, though other ppl have begged to differ otherwise, and for awhile I was even beginning to wonder, but I have had the opportunity to really get to know him and he's actually a really awesome and good man. No, he's not what ppl think. I'm a psychology major and I know my stuff. I've had more than enough opportunity to psychoanalyze him and his motives in life and I find he's a lot like I am, just a little more intense.

I think he has a bit of an obsessive/compulsive personality like me- as well as being very intense (temper and energywise) and rather misunderstood because of it; I recall having fascinations with ppl in the past and it was nothing sexually associated whatsoever. I think it goes deeper than that (in other words- not withstanding the superficiality of sexual expression... it's actually a deeper expression I am speaking of)... something like what I like to call the "mirror effect." This is when you become fascinated with someone to the level you almost wish you were that person... you end up stalking them to a point, seeing all the do, what they wear, how they behave, and something internally associates with it, like viewing a part of yourself that's new and wish to get to know those concepts and traits... you want to be with that person as close as you can be (without the sexuality aspect), because that part in you is ready to "integrate, " and become more consciously a part of who you already are.

Once those things you were fascinated with do, on an unconscious/subconcious level do become conscious and accepted as part of the self, the interest and fascination dies and life goes on, usually with those two ppl moving appart, because reality made a balance from the "mirror effect" that reality has, with each and everyone of us, between us, etc. If you want to understand what I am discussing more thoroughly, I suggest you read Living in the Light by Shakti Gawain. I read it when I was 19 and it was a life-changing book for me. I am due to re-read it. It will explain why reality is like it is, why ppl's lives are like they are and why things turn out like they do... being just based on our thoughts ("being", being the key word... "think" about it.). Ever heard of The Secret? It's the same thing. And it's just like a motto I've had for many years now: "If you change your mind, you change your life." That's just how reality and life function. Open your mind and give it a try. You have nothing to lose. ;-)

Anyhoo, in other news, it was really rainy and cold today... odd for October in the South; we generally have 85-75 degree Halloween's. Today was a rainy, windy and cold high of 57... more like an early December day. I had my shrink appt. this morning to get new Rx's, and then went over to Wallyworld to get something warm to wear... I have nothing but t-shirts, so I picked-up some sweat-jackets and a really nice salt & pepper coat-sweater with buttons. I love it!

Afterward, I went over to the Cobb Animal Shelter and picked-up my roomie Joy a kitten... she's been really wanting her own cat, because my cat "Baby" is soooo lovey and I can tell she's been indirectly envious since I picked-up Baby several months ago. We've had 5 cats in the house since that time (after Azrael and Yoshi passed on) and I've always had 6, so I went ahead and got a Joy her own baby and we have 6 again, which is my limit, period. Also, when Joy moved-out of her old place a few years ago, she lost all her cats, and so she's really missed them.

We named him "Harley." I actually thought of it and knew she would like the name (my roomie was once married to a guy in the Hell's Angels years ago); a strong, but regal name, which he is. He's a gorgeous 4mt old male blue Norwegian Forest cat, so he's going to be a very fluffy cat and he's pretty big for his age, with huge paws. He's such a doll-baby too... rolls over on his tummy for loving and I knew he was the one for Joy. He will be very loved in my home, as all my other cats are... hell, they're more spoiled than I am, but they are my kids, lol. ^.^

Anyhoo, she's delighted and so am I. >.<

Well, I decided to redo my MySpace profile cuz ppl were saying they liked seeing my stuff (my personality out in the open; I guess I make some kind of impressive statement, though I am just being myself.) as it was before, so been working on that as I have time and will probably go ahead and finish it up tonight, so off I go...

~Laters.
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Quote of the Day: "The really great thing about cats is their endless variety. One can pick a cat to fit almost any kind of decor, color, scheme, income, personality, or mood. But under the fur, whatever color it may be, there still lies, essentially unchanged, one of the world’s free-est souls." (--Eric Gurney)
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Photo of the Day:

How the adorable "Harley" will grow-up to look... as handsome as this! ^.^

Ripples I

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:13:54 GMT

I think after my past several entries, a re-entry is in order (it's in my MySpace Blog); I wrote this almost 2 yrs. ago now. It says a lot of things I want to say and have been saying for awhile now... written in freestyle poem form, which I used to only write like this in high school and early college (1989-1994). It's been a long time since I've been this inspired. Anyway, this poem touches on a lot of things and can also be found on my DA account here: rd-7391.deviantart.com/art/Ripples-62145563

Enjoy!
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RIPPLES

And what would happen if I remembered it all?
I think it would defeat the purpose
in the whole mystery of life...
the dreams I have sometimes
are glimpses to and of my past
in other times
I feel no time at all
everything begins to interweave
I feel... I see... I know.
Can't prove something that profound
other than to simply know it yourself
and the mere thought will send the ripples
out into the universe
and others will follow.
they will feel... see... and know.
The illusion becomes me and I become it.
A spark of everything and a spark in everything.

Subtle symbols become a glaring icons
when they repeat themselves in your life.
Do we pay attention? Do we recognize
ourselves when looking
some things so small
are larger than anything else
mistaken... overlooked... taken for granted.

Silence... patience... virtue.

Do I see me in you?
Do you see me in you?
Will you?
Broken you when you reject choice.
Fear.
Everything is so backwards
Maybe the challenge is
not only to remember who we are
but everything else
we are a part of...
baby steps into a controversial perception
but no one told you not to
consider it that way... look at it.
But, fear.
Will you fear or fear you will?
Eventually we all have to grow
on all levels...
macros and micros
blend and season
changing the days as we know them
to change your mind is to change your life...
reality?
Choice.

The river will continue to flow now
the bubbling sound to put me to sleep
when I close my eyes at night
I see things I do not want to
but unconsciously
they are drawn to me
Why go anywhere when one can bring
it to themselves
because it was already there inside
to beginwith
and endwith
no time
ongoing...
timeless
thought and feeling... light
some things uninterpretable
but you know them...
and that's all that matters

And what is mad?
No fear at all
the need to go beyond
and question
choosing a life of challenges
and learn very quickly

And what is sane?
but the conceived acceptance
of submission
being accepted and comfortable
and learn very slowly

So this is friction...
How one perceives may be inconceivable
to another they do not see
but fear what they do see
inside or what could be

Embrace all those things dark and light
to know all you are
and therefore all that is
just another spark...
another galaxy...
no time
one end a white hole
the other a black hole
in space and inside

If reality is a dream...
what would happen if God woke up?
I think that is the point of
living now.
There are no mistakes, no accidents...
everything is as it should be
How you see it defines its existance

And so I have changed my mind
and I know things will be different
subltle and then great
I may not experience them
while the people around me change...
deflective reaction in action of thought
Things happen for a reason.

Necessity.
The mind of God in a dream
we are all in all.
And I still wonder.
Do you?

Happenings are fingerprints
of manifested thoughts.
My hand, your hand, our hand.
Beyond the hand... what is left to touch?

Sunrise now... twilight is over
time and tide
a created duet
for thoughts to find balance
the trace
beyond time as we know it.
Some time...
not much left now when the mind(s) will shift
beyond all the inner levels
to manifest into a change

Soon.

--Written January 19, 2007, listening to "Predicate" by Imperative Reaction

~R e a h a n i <3

Dreams and Things

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 10:24:08 GMT

We had the most awesome rainy day yesterday. Now, today, it will be cool and windy. I can open all the windows in the house, breathe fresh air and air-out the house. It will be the perfect weather. I have plans to clean and finish laundry-- gotta get all the winter beddings ready for the colder months.

So, I'm feeling reflective and introspective today. I had another odd dream last night... one of a few in these past few weeks. I dunno what to say really. On the outside, in my waking reality, I am very angry/disappointed in this person, but in the astral, we seem to have a quiet understanding and easy rapor now... a kind of forgiveness between each other. I suppose I can accept that. It's gonna take some time to heal, but I am willing as long as they remain honorable and true, regardless of what they decide to do in waking reality, just as long as they leave me alone in it. The astral meets are fine. We're friends and that's all. It's all I ever wanted. So it puts a bit of peace on my mind and energy. We'll just see how it goes, because there've been times I've gone off in the astral as well.

I still have no idea as to whether or not we're going on vacation at the end of this month or not. Gawd, it would be so nice, but Doug has been sooooo busy at the firm, putting in over 60-70 hours a weeks, working on cases. He really, really has a lot on his plate. I feel bad for the guy, and there's really nothing I can do but be supportive. I wanna go see Deels, but I don't too. I wanna be in shape for that, so I probably won't be seeing her, but I will be making a special effort this next year. Gawd, I hate disappointing her, but I just have to go with my gut.

Well, I think I am about Vectoided out for the time being... it's time to get back to work and doing graphics and jewelry. My creative spark is returning and I'm excited about it. As an Aries, I'm very inspirational and creative, forthright and accomplished, so I suppose these next few days will expect to see some results. Stay tuned!

Well, it's off to the shower. I gotta get ready to pop over at Doug's to pick up the money he's paying for Joy's new Rx's. She finally got to go and see her old pain specialist a few days ago and got a few of her much needed meds, which I am happy about, because she will feel soooo much better now. After all she's been through, she deserves it and I am honored to have met her and been able to help her get on her feel and live life again. The feeling is priceless. She is my true sister for life and in my family, we take care of our own. ;-)

So, off I go... I'll be on later. I wanna redo my MySpace page again, because too many ppl don't like that they can't see anything, lol. Ah well. So be it.

~Laters~

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Personal Trivia of the Day: "My grandmother (father's mom), Anne Emily Glembin-Malkowski, would have been 104 yrs. old if she had lived. She died onthis day in 1982 at 78. sha was born July 18,1904."
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Quote of the Day: "Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has." (--Elizabeth O'Connor)
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Photoart of the Day:

How autumn makes me feel...

So, Do We Wanna Play? >;-)

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 00:55:59 GMT

So, thought I would update this thing, to let everyone know what's going on with me.

Enjoying my October as always. I might be outta town for Halloween... down in Clearwater, FL.; I'm not sure yet. Doug said he'd know this week. So, poor Deels has been waiting for an answer as to whether or not I will come. Well, even if I do not make it up there this year, I WILL be up there next year for sure. I wanna make sure I'm in top/hot shape for all the parties and clubs Deels attends, so I am not too exuberant on going up there this year. Yeah, when I look good, I do like to make a scene, if you know what I mean, lol. ;-) Hey now, I do have some vanity. ~mischievious laugh~

So anyhoo, my westerly friend and I started talking again and then, like always, I said something to piss them off, like my ideas or oppinions on something I saw or heard about "the man." What I cannot understand for the life of me is WHY THE FUCK bother asking ppl to watch if it's too painful to know a goddamn thing. I mean, like WTF man? Give me a fucking break! So I said I would talk to them later and never called back. Fuck that shit. Gawd, I am so sick of it. Even if my oppinion would be ammicable to theirs in how cheesy and crappy the new public "presentation" is in all its forms with the new white-trash gf, it doesn't matter, they still get pissed.

I want to be their friend, but at the same time, I fear speaking to them lest we get into another bitch match. GAWD, when we do not talk about "him", or "them," we have the most awesome in-depth, deep, and intellectual convos; I miss those. This whole "-insert the man's name-" thing totally sux. So he's crapped on my friend... big whoop... like he hasn't crapped on and used everyone else for one thing or another. I mean, wtf makes my friend so damn special, cuz it has obviously never mattered to "the man" just who the fuck you are-- he shits on you anyway. Period.

This is why older fans, like myself, cannot go back to being open fans, because we know who he really is and what he's really about. He knows it too. This is why the silence, the distance, the so called un-interest, because they say behind your back, you're "insigificant." Truthfully, I take it as a compliment. He knows I know my shit and he knows I KNOW. He knows there's no wool to even being close to being thought being pulled over my eyes anymore. I never was a fool, so the wariness, and good for him. Maybe he is a little psychic afterall, lol. I have no comment on his recent endeavors. I do not think it was his idea and even so, I have no comment other than he's just looking for some other avenue to set foot in because other doors have slammed in his face because everyone knows what a flipping farce and joke he is.

Gawd, I'm mean, aren't I? Well, whatever, it's true and all things come to truth eventually as others have seen. I have no other animosity other than I was done wrong and I am an extemely righteous person and believe in all things being balanced. There is NO chaos in my world and I will fight for what is right, over and over. Even in death, you better watch your back, because I AM one of those souls who will come back to make things right. And yes, THAT IS JUST THE WAY IT IS- just like the movies; ppl toally underestimate the intensity and passion of my energy... they just have no idea.

Which brings me to the dream I had last night (have had several odd, fucking-with dreams in the last few months now...). Hahaha... Seems I might just have a good idea on who is fucking with me and it was someone I would have never guessed... I wonder if all those dreams were as a result of their "meddling." Well, ~laughs~ all I have to say is "little little girl, you have much, much to learn." I caught them... saw their face... they were animositicious, but wary, backed-off once I realized who they were and they disappeared, though I silently observed them from a distant place, sitting on what seemed like a perch (petastool, if you will), happily having everyone "brainwashed" as "the man," and have others worship them as they do "the man;" unbeknownst or maybe knowst, to the man, they use him for their own personal vanity, gratification, and popularity too (though I already knew this after months of watching behavioral and media patterns, as well as being able to read through written journal lines and comments made-- I'm really not as stupid as ppl think).

Gawd, these ppl are so sick. UGH.

Well, if you wanna play, they I will win if it's a game, but it will be a life lesson to those who meddle where they do NOT belong... in my astral and fucking with my dreams and sleep. You have no idea what I am and the demon I can become... or rather... AM. Play games and you'll learn there are no games with me. PERIOD. You're the initiator, not I, and like martial arts (of the soul for me), I will defend myself, not cause war, because martial arts is based on peace, believe it or not. You initiated this, and the next time you fuck with me, you'll be shocked to see what I really know to defend myself (I do not need physical action in the astral to be a master in Chi/Ki energy). I actually feel sorry for you, because ppl like you just never learn.

Have fun. GAME ON CUNT! ~evil laugh~ bahahahahahahaha....

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have shows to attend. Do you think you can get a life until they're over? hahahahaha...! I'm not gonna worry about you. Now that I know who you are... I'll know exactly what to do with you when the time comes and believe me, you're gonna pray to GOD (literally) when I'm done. Hahahahahaha..... Human excrement you are. I'm waiting... >;-)
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Quote of the Day: "Like gravity, karma is so basic we often don't even notice it." (--Sakyong Mipham)
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Humor of the Day:

Or Die...

Quick Update

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 20:12:29 GMT

Well, chillin' this weekend. I've been pretty busy this past week... I have a new place online to hangout that I LOVE. I've invested a lot of money and time in it so far, and I'm pretty excited about it. Now... to invite friends. More about this later!

Also, I found this new game I am in love with; I discovered it yesterday. It reminds me of something out of the 80's. It's called Vectoids. I believe there are just 3 versions and I have tried them all and I think the first one is the easiest, but it's still not easy. It's an arcade game, but I am still working of the strategic flow of it. Love this game though... f-ing rocks!

Seems my westerly friend and I have had a misunderstanding, but I do not care. I have not returned their calls because I do not want another "bitch" session. Guess I'm taking time off too. Ha!

So it's October finally and the weather is cooling down. YES! This is also my holiday month... Halloween all month long. Hell yeah! FearNET and other stations have some really creepy shit lined-up I am looking forward to watching. I love my horror!

I would rant and rave about all the other shit that is bothering me, but I am not going to. Fuck-it. I don't want to think about any worries right now. Not today. Not this weekend. So fuck everyone and everything.

Yeah. I am not gonna give a shit. I roll like that. Have a good one!
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Quote of the Day: "They say nothing in the universe can travel at the speed of light, forgetful of the shadow's speed." (--Howard Nemerov)
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Screenshot of the Day:

Just a tease of my hangout. >.<

Long Time

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 23:35:03 GMT

Yeah, I haven't updated this thing in a long time. I suppose it's time. I made a shitload of jewelry a few weeks ago, so I have been working with that... getting proper, clean, and clear pics taken... all properties added, and will have for sale soon. It appears most of my sales will be local, which is fine with me... makes it easier I think, cuz I'd be doing transactions in person and not have to worry about the mail system. I have a sample pic below of some of the stuff I've made thus far.

In other news... seems the county made some road engineering blueprint adjustments on the WindyHill/MacLand Rd. Connector, so I finally got a letter in the mail where they stated that the County would buy my home since the road would be running right over it. Like f-ing YAY!!!!!! Finally. Now I gotta get the appraiser out here to give me a quote and then after the county sends my check in the mail, I have 3 months to move. YES! This is good news because I was really worried about having to sell this place.

My cool friend out West is not being so cool anymore... seems they've turned into a complete ASS. Figures. I kinda saw it coming, but I don't mind. If they wanna talk to me, they can. Otherwise, I am moving on with my life, and no, I do not feel bad about the $500.00 bucks I sent, because I did it from my heart as a friend and they did use it exactly they way I wanted them to: for a Gym Membership and also for College Books, so it's all good. When they get over their normal hissy fit, I hope they'll come around. Gawd, and I thought I had a bad temper. ~shakes head~ I just feel the whole "obsession" they have needs to end and I made it clear I didn't want to hear from them until they were done speaking of that person and their associates. Period. Haven't heard from them since, lol. Ah well. Maybe oneday they'll get a clue. Who knows. I've got too much shit going on to worry about it anymore... less stress on me too, since all we ever do anymore is fuss at each other. I just don't need it, y'know?

So anyway, Halloween is coming up and I am soooooo excited! I was really hoping to be up at Deels' place this Halloween, but Doug wants to take the yearly vacation at Halloween, so I guess I will not be making it up there and will be in Clearwater, FL. instead. Ah well. It's the only time Doug could make for a vacation, so, I guess it will have to do. I haven't told Delia yet, cuz I know she's gonna be like uber disappointed and I really feel bad about it.

Anyhoos, not much else going on. More laters...
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Quote of the Day: "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." (--Cherie Carter-Scott)
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Photo of the Day:

My New Jewelry!

Stress and Business

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:06:56 GMT

So I've been working my ass off on my new re-do of my MySpace profile and I have to tell you, I am glad I do know the HTML/CSS I do, because otherwise it would be impossible. My programming skills from years ago allow me to sit and study the programming script to see lines and understand their functions as the commands pattern. It's something new for me and I figure if others can do it, I can do, becuase I wish to have that level of clarity and beauty on my page. Doing it myself makes it that far more appreciative. I still have some things to tweak and finish up, and judging by the things I need to do to make it suitable to my satisfaction, I do not know how long that will take. I am intelligent and if there is something I need to learn to create the effect I want, then I will go out of my way to learn it. I am just that driven about what I like/love and the point/message I try to convey to people; it means a lot to me to do so. In everything I do, I am always trying to convery a message to others.

It never mattered before. I've seen new DIV overlays on MySpace accounts for awhile now, but I am interested in getting my business off the ground and so I wish to be presentable and have my profiles look appealing for my clients to better their interests in what I do creatively. So a polished, professional and appealing view is in order. It's time.

In other news. just stressed. I wanna get the fuck up out of this house i currently live in. These low-class poor pp0l who live around me are driving me nuts. I am desperate and even willing to get a nice appartment somewhere. I just can't take much more of this crap.

That's all for now... more laters.
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No Photo or Quote of the Day.

Daddy's Little Girl... Always

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 03:54:41 GMT

I miss you dad.... if you only knew how much I was like you... combined with my mom, well, frankly I just scare myself, much less other ppl. No wonder ppl think I am nuts. Sometimes I hate myself, but in these days, I guess I need to be as strong as I can possibly be... and I am all alone. This is one crazy world, not to mention fucked-up. I guess I need to be atleast a little fucked-up to deal with it, eh?

Sto Lat i Ich liebe dich.... where ever you are out there in the afterlife... I love you dad... and to babuschka... g'mma. >.<

Love my way...

RAGE

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 02:01:25 GMT

I want to kill. I do... and I know if I stay here any longer I am gonna land in jail or prison. I am bearing my limits now for sure.

The mortgage lender fell through because I have student loans that need paid. FUCK. Guess I am just gonna have to be an educated homeless. Deferance and not Forebarance. Goddammit... why can't they just make this shit easy. I do not think it's gonna matter either way.

Gawd this sucks.

All these fucking ppl with happy families who never appreciate what the fuck they have and beaners who get away with murder as faux citizens.... I AM LIVID BEYOND WORDS.

I have held this shit in for too long... far too long... and I am ready for WAR!

I cannot take living here anymore. Since I cannot get a house, if I cannot get an appartment, either I go homeless or just admit my ass in somewhere where everyone is as crazy as I am.... but I am sure they are more sane than BUSH, because he's the one who made all this shit crazy and NO ONE VOTED FOR HIS ASS... it was a sham.. a forgery... you fucking SHEEP! LOOK THE FUCK AROUND YOU! There are no conspiracies.... only TRUTHS! You either choose to be brainwashed or follow the herd. Fuck you.

FUCK YOU! :-/

I was NOT raised like this and I will be goddamned if my great grandparents came from Silesia, Prussia/Poland here for nothing... they EARNED their citizenship, unlike about 60% of this now Latino population here now... not to mention that goddamn fucker who is using my social security number who I have been keen on finding more info about and have reported, if I do not kill his ass first before he gets back to Mexico.

I was a love child and many have said I should not have been born. Well, everything happens for a reason and so I AM HERE. If I die due to faulse cause, boy, someone better really know their spiritual shit, because I will be haunting some serious mother-fuckers so the TRUTH is known and RIGHT prevails....

So, BTW, who ever sent me that demon this past week... hahahaha.... yeah. I am still laughing. I have to give you credit, but you're not close enough. Our kind are darker.

FYI: The "devil/satan," as you people understand, was an negative archetype created in the minds of men who needed him within the human mass consciousness; manifestation of man's internal chaos during the time of their existance (which is not very long in the realm of the much older intergalactic family/beings that bio-engeneered your sorry asses)... but, we are older... much much older. Those that follow (your devil/satan) are not worthy of my astral and soul power.

So until you figure out how real negative and positive powers balance in the real universe as you know it and in the beyond, have FUN; hence, the demons you send will not, nor can, take me down; they cannot destroy my soul; my kind are even older than them, alng with Azazel, who begot with Lilith (first wife of Adam/Eve being the second, more docile wife) and created Vampires and later Lycans.... so you are nothing more than simple children to me... along with your demons.

It is why Solomon was such a good master of demons... he was one one us.

However, I am impressed with whoever sent off this stuff to try and fuck with me, lololol.... it was a good try, but nothing more than adventurous fun in the astral.... hahahahahaha..... close, but no cigar... no "cuban" cigar, that is!---- quality not quantity; calibre: know the word? Maybe definition please? Get an education you idiots... especially if you're gonna fuck with ME! I do not have time for angels with black wings. I am much more than that though we look just like you; it's what you do not see that is heard and it is what is heard that is not seen. Confucious or Tao anyone? Gawd... anyone learn ANYTHING on this godforsaken prison moon?

I AM STILL HERE.
I AM STILL STRONG...

Oh and btw, did I tell you to fuck-off?

If not, FUCK OFF!
I'm not going anywhere. Deal.

>;-)

PS When Nibiru comes to pass... you will see the power of my kind; it's all in your history and spiritual texts... no need to blow a tantrum and get panties tied in knots... we've warned you for centuries now.

PPS It will be nice when this planet is cleaned.
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Personal Quote of the Day: "You only have one advantage over me: you can kiss my ass and I can't!"
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Happy Bunny of the Day:

DEAL WITH IT!

A Much Overdue Update!

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 10:01:40 GMT

So I have not posted an entry in what seems like forever now; I have been very, very busy!

First off, my roomie Joy had all sorts of doctor appointments. Then after hers, my new doctor appointments kicked-in and I've had several of those, since I haven't seen anyone in years. Talk about overdue! I have a new primary physician. She's really cool- she's from India, and takes care of all my obgyn stuff along with the regular check-ups, which is great; it's just one less doctor appointment I'll need to make. I have a psychiatrist for my meds (incl. Xanax for my nerves and trictillomania), but since her office no longer employs a psychotherapist, she gave me a list of good references to check out. I'll need to check about those this week.

All this on top of shopping, cleaning, packing and house-hunting. Run, run, run. It's all I do now. Ugh.

I also have a new gym membership at the Wellstar Health Place, which I am looking very forward to starting this Monday. They have closed the pool (incl. jaccuzzi) down for two weeks for renovations, but I can still do slow cardio and light strength-training. I will no longer be drinking for a long while, because I'll be starting the South Beach Diet (my doctor recommends it- she's done it herself and also the diet was designed by a cardiologist, so it's a very healthy and legitimate diet), and since she said my liver test came up slightly bad, I guess my partying days are pretty much over. Next thing is to quit smoking. I have a carton and a half left of Djarum Blacks and when I start my last carton, I'll be smoking a half pack and not a pack a day. I'm just gonna cut down from there until I quit. Instead of patches, gum, and pills, I am just gonna do it the old-fashioned way: will power. Why? Because I know I can do it because I want to!

So, it's time to get back in shape and get back to my old self again... time to shed off all this manifestation of chaos I have acquired since my mom's passing. It's simply TIME to do it, and I am ready. It's time to start taking better care of myself, because I am not getting any younger and if I survive to pole shift in a few years, life is gonna be absolute hell compared to how easy it is for everyone now, so I want to be in prime considtion for survival.

So I am making special efforts to take better care of myself. I drink tons of spring water, I have bought new clothes that look nice, clothes for working out too, and I am pampering my body and self hygene to a greater degree; I recently landed some good business with this Korean nail salon. It's a tad pricey, but totally worth it! The girls there are soooooooooo sweet and so very nice. The atmosphere there is heavenly and they do such a great job. I go there to have my nails done, manicure, pedicure, and Shiatsu massage. I just love it when I go in there. They are interested in my jewelry and want to display my business cards, lol. How cool is that!

Speaking of jewelry, I have been getting requests for jewelry and business cards because I usually wear stuff I've hand-made myself and I always get compliments. So, the other day I went over to JoAnne's and bought all new supplies to get going. Since I have a brand new computer system (Emachine w/19" FS/LCD Monitor & Cannon Printer- package deal at Best Buys), I can really get going now. YES! I'm stoked, because I love making my jewelry.

I went ahead and got my new showcase website going and will have new things up within a week or two. I decided to just go with a LJ account and I am pretty pleased with the look of it; it's awesome they have so many new and cool layout choices now.

So I have a lot to do and there will be no more pussy-footing around any longer. ;-)
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Quote of the Day: “If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.” (--Confucius)
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Artwork of the Day:

New banner for http://reahanidesigns.livejournal.com

I don't have it posted on my MySpace yet, but will as soon as I have time. :)

Very Pleased

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 02:38:25 GMT

Well, I finally have a car. It's a 1999 Infiniti i30, 166+ thousand miles, BUT, it's practically in mint condition... gotta love getting a used car from anyone in Roswell, GA. (an upscale town/side of metro Atlanta); they always take such great care of their vehicles!-- mainly cuz they have the money to keep them up.

It's the fourth of such a car in all my 18yrs. of driving and I've never been disappointed, ever. ;-) The first one was my Teal 1980 Honda Accord (owned 1993-1996), and the second was my brown 1982 Honda Accord (owned 1996-2001- lasted me from 207K to 275K; HA!), and finally, the car before my last one, a teal 1989 Honda Accord in Mint Condition; I changed an o-ring on it because of leak, lent it to my friend Doug's nefew (David) to drive while I was on vacation in Destin, FL. (2004) and the engine blew because he hard-drove the engine on the freeway without letting the o-ring set into the engine for a week. Needless to say... no one is going to drive my car anymore unless they know wtf they're doing. Period! Especially not my Infiniti. No fucking way!

So anyway... it's a one-owner car, very well-maintained, and garage kept. It's loaded with cool features not in regular cars at that time, as well as duo front and side air bags. The interior is leather and in good shape, as well as the floor, which I got new mats for to protect the nice carpeting. I spent $250.00 on "Jaden" (what I decided to name the car) the other day and then spent several hours detainling it after several hours of shopping. I am soooo sore. But, I am proud of how it looks and feel even prouder to drive it because after all I have been through and after all the hoopdies I've owned, at age 35, I fucking deserve it!

Just a few days ago, I left around 12pm and was gone until around 10pm... I was sooooo tired and exhausted, but I got so much accomplished and am proud of it. It was very much needed thing for me. I still have some finishing touches on the interior of the car and I'm finished until the next big detail; it's the first all-leather interior vehicle I've owned, so I need to Armorall all the seats, add the two front seat covers, as well as the matching steering cover (all black Ostrich-skin leather), change-out the burned-out light bulbs (the map light by the rear-view mirror, the one fog-light side light (passenger side) and the one inner brake light). I'll be taking it to a specialized Infiniti mechanic place to have everything checked-out, so I know when to do what for what is needed to be done for engine maintenance (this is necessary for more expensive cars, because the engines are so specialized, like Mercedes, BMW, Saab, Lexus, etc.), and then off the junkyard to pick-up a middle console lid replacement and an coolant reservoir cap for the engine. Then, I'm done. If I cannot find what I need at the junkyard, I'll just get it from the dealer, cuz I have the extra money to pay for imported parts now.

I'll need to integrate all of that into my very busy schedule this next week, cuz Joy has all sorts of doctor appointments set-up and I have just one set up a week from her lat one, this month. Not to mention, I will be getting my gym membership back at Wellstar Fitness, over by Kennestone Hospital, and be scouting for a new house to buy on top of that. UGH--- it is going to be such a busy month!

In other news, my cool friend who recently moved back home has finally settled into a really nice studio appartment in a very exclusive neighborhood, so now they can get a job and go back to school this fall. Their mom can't help them with the gym membership, so I am sending off $500.00 for them as soon as I have access to it (my lawyer is the fiduciary, so I have to make do); I told them I would get it to them asap this month, probably when my friend Doug (my lawyer) gives me a lump sum for furnature and chachkies for the house, lol. No big deal.

So anyhoos, they are very much relaxed and not so stressed-out all the time, which relieves me, because I used to hate it when they would call, homeless and stressed-out, angry and argumentive. They deserve the goodness coming to them... I made sure to it. I'm not a witch for nothing. ;-) They've had it a long time coming and I'm gonna be their guardian angel until the end comes in a few years; they are one of my own, unbeknownst to them. They deserve to live knowing they can actually rely on a real friend... whether that be a phone call that lasts for hours, a few bucks here and there, or a fly out and party. Yeah. It's all gonna happen. They're good people and it's such a shame they've been fucked-over like they have... been watching it for the last few years. But, I'm putting an end to it as long as I am around. ;-)

Well, I updated this thing... gotta go change around my Playlist.com stuff, cuz it's time to change some things out. Off I go... >.<
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Quote of the Day: "Justice consists not in being neutral between right and wrong, but in finding out the right and upholding it, wherever found, against the wrong." (--Theodore Roosevelt; 1858-1919)
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Photos of the Day:

My new baby "Jaden."

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 09:28:38 GMT

Yep. FINALLY! My money is in. I have a new car, albeit used, it's a high-line model and in excellent shape! I now drive (after 1.5yrs. of being without a car) a 1999 INFINITI i30. It's totally sweet! I love it and am anxious to go house hunting Monday-Fri next week. YES! It's time for ME now! More laters...
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No Quote or Photo/Art of the Day.