Reahani

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Jul. 24th, 2009

Life in the New Lane... (but not without passing the old lane)

location: My Master Bedroom

mood:

tipsy

music: ENIGMA- Voices in the Dark

I'm sitting here with a glass of rum and coke, enjoying the night as midnight approaches. I've been very creatively busy these past several days; I created a contest piece over on DA for a Black Magic Contest that I feel turned out really well. I have also embarked on a new "Post Card" series that I started a few years back, but never went anywhere.

It was an idea I truly liked, but after the original advent, I stalled; I recall working a fan-piece for an individual, who I truly adored and made a piece for them. I presented it to them and they didn't seem impressed either way... just said they didn't want me to sell it.... :- /..... Omfg. I had absolutely NO intention of selling it. Fuck, I have not sold anything I've made thus far, much less anything I created including photography of theirs! It was "fan work," a "fan piece," a fucking dedication in honoring their heritage through my art, because frankly it really meant that damn much to me, considering my own love (since childhood) of eastern cultures. I was raised from the age of 11 to adulthood by my biological mother and Malaysian step-father, so I have a bit of Asian tradition and ways ingrained in my character as a person... something that will never change. It's just simply who I am. So honor is not something I misunderstand... it's a part of who I am as a person because I was raised that way.

So, for them to disregard my very well-done work as nothing and even remotely consider I would dishonor them in any way, hurt me very deeply. I'm sorry to say it still does. Nothing I ever made for them was good enough, though it was hella better than many of other fans' works they praised (my work still is a lot better than some of the fan work they get). To me it was complete painful dishonor and I still do hold a serious grudge because of it. For someone who prides their heritage to take an honorable gift only to disregard it is a competely dishonorable insult and the pain is still felt in my soul.

However, I am moving forward, as I always do. Courage, strength, endurance, and undying will are what I am known for. So this is why my "post card" series project took awhile to reignite. I have buffed the more painful edges off my inner piece of painful memory and can slip the part that hurts away smooth and quickly when I need to; therefore, I can continue to work without interruption and continue my eagerness to create the art I love and want to.

So, I've created two very lovely postcards thus far and do not plan to use anyone for fanwork, period.... unless they are a very close friend. Otherwise, I am just using classic, vintage, or beautiful model stock. Some ppl just have no appreciation of honor, much less deserving of recognition... atleast by my creative standards, because I've raised them considerably since those days. I simply just needed to get this pain out by discussing it. I do feel a bit better now. If they happen to read this entry, whatever. This is my journal and I am entitled to discuss things when I want to. I have the right to release pain... lest I kill someone. >:-(

Anyway, I guess that's all for now. I'm really hungry. I made some Malaysian curry rice with baked salmon and I am going to go dig in...

Laters.
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Quote of the Day: "When a character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." (--Japanese proverb)
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No Photo of the Day.

Jul. 1st, 2009

Loving Life Now

location: My Master Bedroom

mood:

peaceful

music: DILATE- Tale

It's been awhile since I last updated this thing, but it's mainly because I moved into my new home and just got settled. My desk is finally up in my room, with my computer set-up, so I'll be more apt to be online regularly now.

Things feel different for me and I know I have changed a lot and seem to be going through another transition. One thing is I am just not as interested in the same things I once was... i.e. drinking and partying a lot. Now that I have moved, I do that a lot less of that and I am interested in doing other things. Also, I've drifted away from some ppl I was once close to... i.e. my best friend Delia. Well, I hardly talk to her anymore, but you know her fingers aren't broken and she can call me too. Whatever. I'm not worried about it, I am not hurt, and I have no hard feelings. She's obviously not moving to Georgia, much less anywhere outside St. Louis. She's wrapped-up with working and partying all the time. I've done all that and I feel the change inside of me to do other more productive and creative things now. I am feeling older and I am growing and changing into a new way of life. She's stuck in a rut and I cannot help her anymore. She and I have run the gamut of our friendship and I feel it's time to move on, while I wish her all the best in life.

I'm going to be leaving MySpace and Facebook. They really serve no purpose in life for me anymore. I am truly not that social anymore and I am wrapped-up with activities in my own world. Frankly, I do not like ppl much anymore either... the drama, the bullshit, the boring mundaneness of others' lives; it drains me, bores me and I'm cutting it out of my life. I will always have my LJ, Twitter, and DA accounts though, so if you read this and wanna check-up on me, you can find me there, where I will notify others of any new projects I may endeavour (and there will be some); Iwill also be keeping my DreamJournal account as well. I plan to update it with lots of old, but cool & strange dreams I've collected over the years.

I'll be reading a lot, studying (and involving myself in) more advanced Craft, gardening, graphic designing, and doing other creative ventures. I will keep a few old friends, but I am looking forward to making new ones now... ppl who reflect who I am now in the universe, not who I used to be and it will happen in time... it always does.

So anyway, I'm finally moved into my new home and it's a peaceful, quiet sanctuary for me. I so love it! The kitchen is complete and all the furniture I took with me is in the house now, so I'll be repainting a few items, while just cleaning off others. I had my rag this week, so I didn't get as much done as I originally wanted to, but I managed to get my desk cleaned-up and my computer stuff squared-away on it. There is just so much space in this house compared to the cardboard box-like house I lived in for 8 long years. I am thankful, at ease and peace now. I've done my time and I've earned it!

Onto a new life with a brighter future...
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Quote of the Day: "It is a mistake to regard age as a downhill grade toward dissolution. The reverse is true. As one grows older, one climbs with surprising strides." (--George Sand;1804-1876)
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Photo of the Day:

My current state of being...

Jun. 3rd, 2009

Transitional BS

location: Doug's House

mood:

annoyed

music: None

Alrighty then... I finally moved out Sunday. Doug rented a U-Haul and his nefew Corbin and Corbin's g/f Kristi came out to help me move. Whew! I'm really glad Doug helped-out cuz I didn't know what I was gonna do otherwise. It was a very long, very hot day, on which I "started," which made it really horrible to bear, but I did the best I could, considering the circumstances.

I would have left all the stuff I was not taking inside the house, but in order to get my moving check, D.O.T. said everything had to be out. So we put all the unwanted stuff by the road... lots of bagged trash and old, dilapitated furniture. Now, normally the community office maintenance takes care of it once ppl do that, but I guess because there was so much of it, the "new" management (I will explain) did not want to deal with it. So, the new guy filed a complaint with D.O.T., because they own the home now and D.O.T. asked me to see what I could do to have it removed, which I can't because I do not have a truck, do not know anyone with a truck, nor have any funds to get a truck until this coming Monday. I had dropped by D.O.T. this morning to drop off the keys and Van Johnson and I discussed all of it. I told him I had gone by the house when I went over to drop off the mailbox key (D.O.T. gets the house keys and Lamplighter gets the post key), and told him they were already moving stuff off the property, but noted that they might charge me a fee for moving it and that they could take it out of the 2 grand D.O.T. is supposed to pay me for moving, which they are not supposed to do because it was the ARC management maintenance that was moving it, not a local contractor. If I catch shit from it, I will have to see this new "flaming pansie property manager" in court, because this is bullshit.

See, every time I turn around, they have new management and it's really pathetic. As soon as that happens, disregarding policy, rules change overnight, depending on what cramps the the management's style. I've never seen such bullshit in my life with that community. It's also because of the new management, that I couldn't have that lady across the street (the one with the juvie kids) thrown out, because he has no clue what's been going on for as long as I've lived there and what a menace her children are to other ppl and their property. I'm thankful I don't have to worry about it anymore. Ugh! I hope that bitch and her maggot children rot in hell for the crap they've pulled and this new manager, who I swear is a flaming pansie, just flaunts around and dictactes the neighborhood and its ongoings like a high-end fashion designer at the Nikkon Fashion Week in New York readying for a new runway season collection. O.o

WTF is the main ARC headquarters thinking having management like that run such a rough community? The last time I turned in the bitch neighbor for her youngest child harassing me, he told me to just call the police... in other words, he didn't want to deal with it... just like now: I have moving trash that needs moved and frankly it's THEIR responsibility when I place it by the road, but no, Mr. Pansy-Pants does not wanna deal with it and I'm getting bitched-out about it. Ugh! That whole community is going to hell in a handbasket and I am glad I am no longer living there to deal with all the bullshit anymore!

So I wrote a "nice" letter to the office management, copied it, along with all the other property info he needs when a resident leaves and taped the "post key" to one of the sheets. I let him know that if he has anymore questions, concerns, or demands, he can speak to my lawyer and I left Doug's card. Because I have lost my Cell phone charger and have no idea where it is, so my phone is dead and I will not have another phone until they come out Friday to hook-up my Comcast Package, which includes digital landline phone service. Until then, that fucker can deal with it.

So, since I have no phone right now, I am over at Doug's while he's at work and I am taking care of business over here, which will include making several phone calls. Ugh.

That's the update... I will have more sometime this weekend when I have my Cable Internet and desk set up at home. Laters...
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Quote of the Day: "Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd." (--Edith Sitwell; 1887-1964)
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No Photo of the Day.

May. 30th, 2009

Moving Weekend

location: My Office

mood:

moody

music: Light classical on digital cable channel.

I need to be outta here by tomorrow, but it does not look like that's gonna happen; I still have so much to do and most of it I am doing by myself because my roomie Joy can only do so much with her limited physical condition. This sucks. Doug has had back problems for a few years now, so he can't really help me either. I'm a little stressed to say the least.

I was up all night packing and cleaning and it will be another long one today, while I load up the Pacifica afterward. I need to get cleaned up here and run up to the store for more Windex, some 409, paper towels, and boxing tape. Ugh.

I have no idea how I am gonna move the furniture without help. :-(

I am also going to be starting my monthly mensus soon, so I am a real crab right now, naturally depressed and moody, with or without my meds. Gawd, I wanna pull teeth, wave a magic wand and fix everything right to make this all easier.

I guess this is going to be my last entry until after I move into my new place. I'll be packing up the computer and monitor to go.

Laters...
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Quote of the Day: "To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet." (--Charles Caleb Colton)
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Photo of the Day:

My new house in Clare Cottage Tramore...

The white car is not mine, it's my agent Alicia's Lexus. My Infinity is parked on the other side, out of the picture.